“Hand over your purse!”

Pinned to the wall, clutching the purse to my chest, I considered my options. The robber had me cornered, blocking both ways of escape with his body, and the knife to my throat complicated things. If I somehow wrenched free I could slip out from under his other hand, but with that muscular frame he’d be back on me in an instant. Could I knock the knife from his hand? Not likely, and it would only enrage him further. I could cry for attention, but in an alleyway this part of the metropolis no one can hear you scream. Should I just stall? Or I could kick backwards, a sharp blow to his kneecaps, shock him enough to loosen his grip, and I could make a mad dash for the open street. On the other hand, I was in heels.

He held the knife closer, the blade tingling as it brushed across my skin. “Come on, I haven’t got all day.”

Phone, wallet. I definitely wouldn’t see those again. All the mess I’d have to sort out, accounts I’d have to freeze. Fuck. Not the end of the world, though. Breath mints, tissues, lipstick, hair ties I could replace. Oh god, Stanley’s engagement ring, that’s in there too. Fuck. This guy’s totally going to sell it off somewhere shady. Don’t know what he’d do with the pads. If I handed it over, would he just rifle through for the valuables? More likely he’d make off with the whole purse. Small price to pay for my life, though.

“Okay,” I said, “I’ll hand it over. Just please don’t hurt me.”

Shielding my purse with my body, I turned to face my assailant. Ski mask, gloves, he was decked out in full mugger regalia.

“Purse,” he hissed. “Now.”

Slowly and deliberately, keeping a tight grip, I inched it into his view. No sudden moves on my part, and no sudden moves on his. Not yet. One hand blocking my escape, one hand clutching the knife. He’d have to use one of them to snatch my purse from my hands, and he seemed to be unsure of which to release.

Then he said, “Purse. Purrrrrse. Purse. Purse, purse, purse. Puuuuurse. Purssssse. Pursepursepurse. You know, purse just stopped sounding like a word. Purse.”

Over his shoulder I beheld a figure standing in the alleyway entrance. A towering woman, a mass of red curls, hands resolute on her hips. And oh my, was that a cape?

“Unhand that woman now!” Her voice boomed as if through a megaphone, rattling the windows and dumpsters.

The robber glared at her. “Who the hell are you?”

“I have come to bring justice to the city. For I,” she unbuttoned her jacket to reveal a suit of red Spandex, “am Semantic Satiation Woman!”

Her declaration echoed across the alleyway, reverberating until it died into a profound silence. As she approached us I could make out a bright yellow SSW icon emblazoned on her suit, gleaming in the setting sun.

My captor was the first to speak. “What the fucking hell,” he spat, “is that?”

“Semantic satiation is that thing where if you say a word over and over again, it stops sounding like a word.”

“I’m in the middle of a robbery here!”

Semantic Satiation Woman smiled.

The robber continued, “Robbery. Robbery. Raaah-bery. Robbery. Robbery bobbery. Robberyrobberyrobbery. Robberobberobbery. Fuck. What the fuck am I doing? Robbery robbery.”

“Theft,” Semantic Satiation Woman suggested.

“Theft. Theft. Theft. Theft. Thefffft. Thefthefthefthefthef—”

The robber’s eyes had become glossy and barely blinked—he stared not at me anymore, but at a point in the wall above my head. His grip had loosened enough, and when I slipped out from under him he barely registered me.

I fell into the arms of my saviour, and she greeted me with a warm embrace, as tight as her suit. “Thank you,” I said at last. “Thank you for saving me, Ms. Semantic Satiation Woman. I don’t know how to thank you enough. I will definitely remember what semantic satiation is.”

She walked me into the open street. “No need to thank me. My duty is to the people of this good city. I hope you find your way home safely. In the meantime you may want to invest in pepper spray.”

“Thank you, that’s good advice.” I flagged down a cab. “Thank you.” For some reason thank you stopped sounding like words.

She bowed to me with infinite grace and soared off into the sunset.