Kitten Carnival

If I up and book it

Shift the gears and slam the gas

Maybe I could get to work in

Time to take that call

Down the 405

Veering left and swerving right

Make it to my desk and save my job

If I book it

Clients come and clients go

But here’s the big one, that I know

I gotta land this deal or

My boss will fire me

If I gun the engines

Rip across the interstate

Save my skin if I book it

I woke up today

At 9:15

My phone was ringing on the stand

Boss was on the line

Handset shaking in my hand

When he said “Get your ass here pronto”

Pedal to the metal

Flying sparks and screeching tires

And the cops could slap a ticket

Right on my sorry ass

If I book it

Really floor it

If I up and book it

Shift the gears and slam the gas

Maybe I could get to work in

Time to take that call

If I book it

Lyrics
set to the tune of “When She Loved Me”
written by Randy Newman,
originally performed by Sarah McLachlan
for Toy Story 2 (1999).

I think it’s funnier if you listen to the original song while reading these lyrics. The exercise here, of course, was to take the saddest song I knew, and write utterly mundane lyrics to it, all while respecting the prosody, rhyme scheme, structure, &c., of the original.

If I Book It