One-room flat, London. Day.
JAX JONES, CHARLI XCX, and SAWEETIE are sitting in chairs, silent, as if politely trying not to notice each other. JOEL CORRY bursts through the door.
JOEL CORRY
Hey, sorry I’m late! Thank you all for flying in at short notice.
JOEL takes a seat.
CHARLI XCX
I live here.
JOEL CORRY
For sure. Okay, do you all know why you’re here?
JAX JONES / SAWEETIE / CHARLI XCX
Tea? Wimbledon’s on? / We’re holding a séance, right? / I live here.
JOEL CORRY
No! We’re making a song!
SAWEETIE
A song. Right.
JOEL CORRY
First order of business. What should a song be called?
Silence, until it trembles on the brink of awkwardness.
JAX JONES
shrugging
I Love You Baby?
CHARLI XCX
Aw, that’s cute.
CHARLI throws her hands up, grandly.
I Love You, Baby!
CHARLI gives JAX a high-five.
SAWEETIE
Yeah, that hits the spot. Good one, Mister...?
JAX JONES
Jones. Jax Jones.
JOEL CORRY
Hey guys, that’s nice and all, don’t you think that’s, like, a little overdone by now? Like, anyone can say I Love You Baby, it’s not exactly original if you know what I mean. What’s a title that says: this is us?
SAWEETIE
Teardrops on My Guitar?
JAX JONES
Hey, where’d you learn to get all fancy like that? That’s some poetic-ass shit—
JOEL CORRY
No, we can’t do that, Taylor Swift did that already. Come on.
SAWEETIE
You’re right, you’re right. I don’t think I even own a guitar, if I’m being honest with you.
JOEL CORRY
Okay guys, we’re getting nowhere. Look, I gotta be at Tony’s by four thirty. Come on now. We’re all musicians. Competent musicians. Some of us even have hits. One good song title and we can call it a day. Guys.
JOEL gets up and paces the floor, snapping.
Doesn’t even have to be perfect at first. We can decide later. Just put your brains together, not literally of course, and help me come up with something.
JOEL waits, as JAX, CHARLI, and SAWEETIE each become oddly enraptured by mildly interesting stains on the ceiling.
Okay, let’s try this. Don’t even think about it. Give me an idea that speaks from the heart.
SAWEETIE
Look, Mister, uh, Mister, it’s nice and all you’re giving us the chance to pick the song title, but it’s sorta late and maybe we ain’t—
CHARLI XCX
without warning
OUT OUT
JOEL CORRY
What?
CHARLI XCX
OUT OUT
JAX JONES
Joel, that’s it! OUT OUT
SAWEETIE
No, yeah, that’s perfect! It’s, like, the perfect hook and it says something real about, like, society and shit. It even rhymes with itself! I’m a sucker for dope internal rhymes. You go, girl! OUT OUT
JOEL CORRY
You know, y’all might be onto something here...
Blackout.
Continued in With apologies to everyone who knows more about K-pop than I do