Breaking: pop star The Weeknd was having lunch out in Hamburg ahead of a show with interviewer Elisabeth de Vere of the Russet Star when, as she reports, he “suddenly became catatonic in mid-sentence, began to float half a metre off the ground, and started drifting westward with his hands clasped in a yoga-like position, encircled in a divine light.” Many eyewitnesses confirmed seeing a figure with an adventurous coiffure float steadily across the Elbe at approximately 1:35 p.m. local time. The R&B troubadour, whose brand of neo-noir has flooded the airwaves, appeared to attract several unexpected devotees. Local pastor Jan Zadlo reports that several older women in his parish, mistaking the Dawn FM singer for the second coming of the Lord, threw themselves in fervent supplication at his feet as he passed through them like a mist. Analysts note “unnerving” similarities between the Weeknd’s behaviour and that of fellow musical sensation Ed Sheeran last night in London. although at press time it is unclear if these two incidents are related.