“We now have Tessa Lindquist in the studio. Ms. Lindquist achieved acclaim late last night for her discovery regarding the trajectories of Ed Sheeran and the Weeknd. Ms. Lindquist?”

“Thank you, Julia. Tessa’s fine. Last night I was working late in my advisor’s lab, doing routine work, when I realised that technically, Ed Sheeran and the Weeknd are in orbit, just at a very low altitude, and because they don’t seem to be affected by local geography, I could use our orbital software to plot their trajectories. I ran several thousand simulations to account for uncertainties in the data, which I pulled from EdAlert and WeekndTracker, and in 98 percent of the simulations, Ed Sheeran and the Weeknd will intersect over a field in the Netherlands early Friday morning, at 5:12 a.m. local time.”

“And then you posted your findings on Twitter?”

“Yes. The geoscientific community came together and verified my findings several times over the next two hours. By then I had fallen asleep in the lab, but when I woke up this morning I found I had become Twitter-famous. That was weird to explain to my advisor.”

“And now you’re being interviewed by press outlets left and right! One more question. The Internet has spawned a thousand theories about what will happen when the two stars collide. Will they pass through each other? Will they explode? Tell me, Tessa, what do you think will happen?”

“I have no idea, honestly! But I’ll be watching all the same with the rest of you.”

“Thank you, Tessa.”

“A pleasure.”