Content warning: Christianity, passing reference to a U.S. tragedy
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POPE JOHN PAUL II (70s), enrobed in full papal costume, stands uneasily outside a Brooklyn corner store. Where is my ride? Newly hired papal assistant TIFFANY (20s) runs up to him, out of breath.
- TIFFANY
- Mister Pope, sir, bad news! Someone’s stolen the Popemobile!
- POPE
- Young woman, please do not call it that. It is undignified.
- TIFFANY
- I’m sorry Mister Pope.
- POPE
- You are forgiven. But how shall we arrive in San Francisco in time for Sunday’s services?
- TIFFANY
- Maybe we could fly you there? Hang on, there’s an internet café around the corner, I can look up flights!
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Tiffany dashes off, a rush of beads and hair. Pope John Paul II retrieves a rosary from his cassock and mutters several Te Deums. He frowns, as his ears pick up a strange EURO-DISCO RHYTHM beating in the distance.
- KIM SASABONE (O.S.)
-
We like to party!
We like, we like to party!
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The octogenarian leader of the Catholic Church, visibly sweating through his vestments, taps his wrist in practised impatience. The music source is coming closer.
- POPE
- (to himself)
- Almighty God, please deliver me from this horrible noise.
-
Tiffany returns, even more breathless than before.
- TIFFANY
- Mister Pope, sir! Even worse news. There was a terrorist attack yesterday so all flights out of New York City are grounded indefinitely.
- POPE
- What dreadful news! We may not be able to arrive in San Francisco on time after all.
-
At this point the source of the music reveals itself as it rounds the corner of the next block: it’s a bus! A school-bus decked out in decals and flag stickers, garishly overdone. On its side is emblazoned the text VENGABOYS, and the front bar bears the text VENGABUS. It’s full of obnoxious twenty-somethings. From the windows, KIM SASABONE (20s) and DENISE POST-VAN RIJSWIJK (20s) are brandishing megaphones.
- DENISE POST-VAN RIJSWIJK
- (singing)
-
The Vengabus is coming
And everybody’s jumping
New York to San Francisco
An intercity disco!
-
Tiffany jumps with glee, as the pontiff delivers her a pained glance.
- FADE TO BLACK.