Another confession to-day.

I’ve never quite gotten the hang of air dryers. I’m not quite sure that’s what they’re called. You know, those things in public restrooms at airports and restaurants where you dip your hands into the twin openings and feel a blast of warm air directed all over your skin, through the gaps between your fingers, and twelve seconds later your hands are dry. They’re the modern, contactless answer to paper towels.

I think I understand their appeal. Even before the Covid age, we understood that contactless meant hygienic. Less opportunity for germs to spread. And separately, all those reams of paper towels were wasteful. Less paper, happier environment. If we can transition to air dryers and consign those hand-cranked paper towels to history, then that’s how we usher in the future!

Except that I’ve never quite gotten the hang of them. I understand that you’re supposed to raise and lower your hands through the plane of the air-blast and twelve seconds later you emerge with impeccably dry hands.

This process works a little differently for me. After my twelve seconds, I still find that my hands are damp. I count three more seconds, and maybe they’re a little less damp. Maybe five more seconds after that? A full twenty? But the people behind me are getting restless, with their own hands to dry, and I’m kind of embarrassed that I’m taking so long. So eventually I decide to cut my losses and leave the air dryer for the next person, pretending with practised nonchalance that the air dryer did its job while I walk far enough away so that I can surreptitiously shake my hands off and then dry the rest on my pants.

Am I doing it wrong? Do I need to twist my hands around a bit while they’re in the air dryer? Vary the angles? Rotate them along different axes? Maybe bring them even closer to the inner walls of the device, where the blast sources are located? Periodically adjust the distances? Open and close the gaps between my fingers? Personally target every last water droplet? I think I’ve tried all of those options, but maybe I need to try them in various combinations.

Or maybe everybody uses air dryers the same way that I do. All just pretend.