Empty classroom. Day.
Two adults, CHARLIE and CLEMENT, stand at opposite sides of the classroom, desks pushed off to the side. They’re very timid. CHARLIE holds a sheet of paper in his hand.
CHARLIE
reading off the paper
Step two. Make eye contact with the other person.
He looks up at CLEMENT.
I guess I have to make eye contact with you.
CLEMENT
How do we do that?
CHARLIE
I dunno.
They face each other. This takes visible effort.
CHARLIE
I guess I can...
He takes a step forward. And another step.
CLEMENT, in turn, takes steps toward CHARLIE. Haltingly they approach each other, until after roughly fifteen seconds they are virtually nose to nose.
CLEMENT
Um, so how are we gonna do the eye contact?
He moves in closer. Their noses linger on each other.
Okay this isn’t gonna work.
They ponder, the tips of their noses still in tactile congress. CLEMENT’s breath fogs up CHARLIE’s rosy cheeks.
CHARLIE
How about I, uh, rotate myself a hundred and eighty? Then it will be, like, my right eye touches your left eye, and my left eye touches your right eye. Or wait, my right eye touches your right eye, and my left eye touches your left eye.
CLEMENT
Yeah, let’s try that.
CHARLIE brings a desk into the centre of the room and tries to contort himself so that his face is upside down. It’s no use. Lying balanced atop the desk, with CLEMENT kneeling, CHARLIE manages about 120 degrees of rotation.
CHARLIE
Hey, how about you also use a desk? We both turn ninety, but in opposite directions, so we’re upside down relative to each other.
They do that. After a minute of fidgeting they manage to situate themselves, both precariously balanced on different desks, for contact. Unceremoniously CHARLIE rotates, until they bump. Their eyelids do not come into contact, although their eyebrows do flirt within a centimetre of each other.
CLEMENT
Sorry I guess my forehead’s too large.
CHARLIE
Yeah.
CLEMENT
Any other ideas?
CHARLIE
No. I guess we just mention this to Miss Morales in the report.
They leave the room.
Blackout.