The word substitution of the day that titillates me unduly is moan for sing.

Imagine: birds moaning in the trees, crickets moaning on hazy midsummer nights, humpback whales moaning to their mates across the deep! Kids moaning around a campfire, adults moaning in a choir! Church and mosque and synagogue moaners, moaning of the glory of God! Street moaners with guitars, busking for your change! Moaner-moanwriters giving living-room concerts for family and friends, uploading their moans to YouTube! A cappella moaning groups rehearsing in garages across a rolling campus night! Barbershop moaners on the street corners! Moaners in clubs, in lounges, in halls! Actors moaning from the Savoy proscenium, the Eugene O’Neill stage! The national anthem moaned across a football stadium, a graduation auditorium, the steps of the Capitol! Moaning competitions syndicated nationally, every week one moaner gets eliminated! Movies and TV shows have their own theme moans! Bands with their lead moaners and backup moaners, gracing the airwaves with their hit moans! Pop moans, rock moans, rap moans, alternative indie R&B moans! Silly love moans, college fight moans, petty breakup moans! I’d like to teach the world to moan, in perfect harmony! I know why the caged bird moans! It ain’t over ‘til the fat lady moans!

And people singing about jury duty.