“Hello Emily?”

“Hey Kate! Sorry to bother you while you’re on vacation.”

“Not at all! What’s up?”

“So, uh, okay how do I start, Winston coughed up a hairball, and in the hairball there was this card thing.”

“Yeah, he does that from time to time. What were the updates?”

“Wait, so this is normal for you?”

“Pretty much. The updates printed on the card, could you read it?”

“Yeah. Uh, it says, ‘Version 4.7.2. Release Notes. Security enhancements, bug fixes, Italian language support, Pride mode enabled, dilation enabled.’ That’s it.”

“That sounds on par for the course. Even if it came a little early this month. Anyhow, if you could just, there’s a box above the fridge, a small blue box, where we keep the update cards, could you put it there?“

“Um. So the other thing is, that was like ten minutes ago. And then Winston turned rainbow-coloured and started growing bigger and bigger. Now he’s filling the room and almost as high as the ceiling, and I’m trapped in the corner and can’t really move.”

“Ooh. That’s a bit of a problem.”

“Yeah, his tail just knocked all the DVD shelves over and his back’s starting to push on the ceiling. Uh, is there anything I can do?”

“Can you speak Italian?”

“No.”

“Okay, let me call the vet. Just stay put.”

“Uh, the walls are cracking—”