You’re having dinner with Dottie and her husband Mel, and at some point she says, “We’ve been married for thirty years!”

What do you say in turn?

I haven’t figured this out yet. Some options that my mind has served up to me:

“Oh wow!”

This is probably what I would actually say. It is my default expression for conveying awe. I haven’t even been alive for thirty years, so I’ve never viscerally experienced that extent of time, much less been tethered by the bonds of matrimony to anyone for that extent of time. The problem is that it feels inadequate. It doesn’t really say anything, and it kind of says, “I can’t think of anything else to say.”

“That’s a long time!”

The second thing I might say, if I manage to think long enough to avoid saying “Oh wow!” It does have the advantage that it’s more directly a response to “We’ve been married for thirty years!” than “Oh wow!” is. You can say “Oh wow!” to anything, even if you’ve tuned out ninety percent of what Dottie was saying, so it doesn’t convey that you’ve been listening as well as “That’s a long time!” does. It still feels inadequate, though.

“You must like each other.”

This one serves up humour through understatement. It’s a gentle sort of humour, and it gives them the chance to chuckle with affirmation (or equanimity). But it also feels inadequate. What is thirty years of marriage like? How many seasons of highs and lows has their partnership weathered? Are they as in love with each other as they were thirty years ago, or are they yoked to each other out of some sort of inertia? Have they remained faithful to each other?

“What has that been like?”

Perhaps I could just directly ask a question? It explicitly gives Dottie (or Mel) a chance to respond in turn with some other statement. I’m not sure if this is the richest, most insightful question to ask, but I shy away from asking the other questions.

All of my imagined responses feel inadequate. And I can’t just sit there and freeze up while my mind searches through its bank of responses for something appropriately grand for the occasion. I have three seconds to respond before it gets awkward.

How would you, a more skilful conversationalist, respond?