To-night is the opening night of Into the Woods. In honour of that I present the Kitten Carnival Method of Improving Any Essay.

• EXT. THE WOODS - DAY
• JACK (20s) trudges through the woods with his pathetic-looking cow, MILKY WHITE, on the way to market.
• MILKY WHITE
• (turning directly to the camera)
• [Insert essay here]
• FADE TO BLACK.